4/11/2023 0 Comments Bare inkslinger masturbatingPlan for tomorrow, for next week, next year, and the next ten years. Plan to have the first draft of a novel written in three months, submitted to agents and editors or self-published by six. Set aside portions of your time to hunt for jobs or seek places to submit your work. A Goal-Driven Lifeīest way to be your own boss: set goals for yourself. “No Scotch before noon! No video games, and only a fifteen-minute masturbation break! Write, you little story-goblin, write!” 7. It means you have to be a little bit of a dick to yourself. Your own voice of dissent, your own chastising shadow. Thing is, being your own boss means you have to be your own hard-ass. I’ll get a solid gold pen-holder that looks like a dude golfing and I stick the pen in his ass to make him putt (aka “The Putt Butt Pen Cup,” I just trademarked that shit, so, uhh, dibs). It sounds great - “You’ll be your own boss!” You think, yeah, okay. You learn a lot about things like “inspiration” and “writer’s block” when you’ll be kicked out of your apartment if you don’t put fingers to keyboards and start telling stories. Be hungry! Hunger to eat, hunger to pay rent, hunger to not die of exposure: all powerful motivators to force you to write. But that’s okay (as long as you don’t starve). Your Own Personal Version Of The Hunger GamesĪctually, these games are more like: “Am I still hungry? Did I eat all my Beefaroni? Did I lick the dust from the Ramen noodle flavor packet? I win! Or I lose! I’m so hungry I’m seeing angels!” Win or lose, expect to occasionally be hungry, both figuratively and literally. It reduces the financial shock, I assure you. Go part time with the day job (or pick up a new part time job). All varieties: A, B, C, X, Z, Prime, v2.0, Exxxtreme Triple Nacho, etc.) Hepatitis aside, it helps to have steady income rolling in, even at reduced levels. You ever check out the water jets on those things? It’s Hepatitis-City. (Actually, I wouldn’t get into a jacuzzi. Waggle Your Toes In Those Part-Time Watersĭiving into a cold pool or sliding into a hot jacuzzi, you ease in so as not to shock and/or scorch your privates into crawling back into your body. When you’re able to say - based on evidence, not liquor-fueled guesswork - “Man, if I wasn’t working 40 hours at the Big Dan Don’s Nipple Clamps And Taintscratcher Half-Price Market, I’d start making some real coin at this inkslinger gig,” then you know it’s time to start pulling away from the day job. The best sign for when it’s time to take the leap? When your day-job is officially holding you back from earning out. Gather clients and publishers while also writing some material for yourself. Most successful full-time writers don’t one day roll out of bed, brew a cuppa joe, then tell their day job boss to eat a bucket of whale dicks and then declare themselves the President of Writerland (capital: Inkopolis, population: one deluded penmonkey). If you leap into the dark chasm, don’t forget to bring a flashlight. Don’t attempt full-time writing without first learning your craft. You don’t join the CIA if you can’t fire a gun and spy on dudes. If you can’t play baseball, you don’t join the Phillies. You can’t just one day up and decide to make a living as a hard-workin’ trench-crawlin’ penmonkey if you cannot write well. The point remains the same regardless of spelling - you cannot survive as a full-time writer without the skills to back it up. That might be “skillz,” with a ‘z.’ Sorry for any negligence on my part. This is about fulfilling the dream of working as a full-time writer. I did that for many years myself, and though it can be tricky, it guarantees stability.įor me, though, the dream was always to pack the cubicle farm walls with C4 and blow them sky-high. And there is, obviously, nothing wrong with that. Fact is, a lot of writers work day-jobs unrelated to writing.
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